Yitro
February 2023
Reading this
week’s Torah portion reminded me that Judaism is a very action-oriented
religion. Throughout the Torah, we read about what this guy did, what God did,
what people should or shouldn’t do, etc. Yitro told Moses not to try to do
everything himself and to engage others to do their share of the work.
February is
Jewish Disability Awareness and Inclusion month. Synagogues throughout the U.S.
have programs where they talk about disability and how to accommodate the needs
of people with disabilities, and how to create an inclusive environment.
Although I have participated in hundreds of these programs, I believe that
disability awareness is an illusion and that an inclusive environment for
people with disabilities is the same as everyone else's.
I have always
had a visible disability called Cerebral Palsy that has significantly affected
my mobility, manual dexterity, and speech. As a teenager, I got involved with
the Disability Movement, fighting for our rights, removing architectural
barriers, better employment opportunities, etc. I dressed and fed myself, drove
a van, flew throughout the U.S. for my Wells Fargo job, etc. I could do almost
everything independently, albeit slowly, for most of my adult life. Denise and
I hired attendants to help cook, clean, do laundry, and assist us when David
was a baby. It was annoying but not life-threatening when an attendant was late
or missed a shift.
As a Disability
Movement leader and having friends with all kinds of disabilities, I thought I
knew what disability awareness was. I freaked out when my spine began
compressing. I started losing functions, ever-increasing pain, and needing attendants
to do almost everything. I can’t eat, dress, get out of bed, etc., without
help. I had to start taking anti-depressants. I felt that I was in a whole new
world. Since everybody is unique, disability awareness is a myth.
Inclusion is
different. Everyone can feel included. Paraphrasing JFK’s famous quote tells us
how; “Ask not what we need do to for us. Ask what we can do together.”
Often when we discuss
the inclusion of people with disabilities, the conversation quickly turns into
talking about what we should do for them. Do we need to make the temple more
accessible? Do we need to build a ramp or an ADA bathroom? Do we need to buy
prayer books or hire interpreters for people who are deaf or hard of hearing?
Do we need tables and chairs at the Onegs so people can sit and mingle?
Although these are all essential things to consider, I suggest that a critical
way of including us in Temple Life is to need us. I suggest that maybe the best
way of adding anyone into a community is to need them, to want their
assistance, and to enable them to do their part in Tikkun Olam.
Rabbi Berlin often relates how her family
found a welcoming synagogue when she was a child. Her family, which included a
brother with a developmental disability, did not feel welcomed at their old
temple. The rabbi at the new synagogue immediately asked her brother to please
turn the lights off before Havdalah and turn the lights back on at the end of the service. Her brother
was thrilled! From then on, he had his job. He knew he was needed. He and his
family knew they were wanted. The rabbi had created an environment where
everyone felt valued.
Many people are surprised
when I say Wells Fargo was where I felt the most accepted and included. I
often loved rolling into meetings where people did not know me. The
tension in the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife. At first, no one
would make eye contact, but as the meeting gained momentum, there was a great
sense of relief when the team began to focus on my ideas rather than my
disability. People sometimes struggled to understand my speech, but there was
always someone in the group who could help interpret and communicate with me.
Inevitably, by the end of the meeting, I found myself chatting with folks and
feeling like part of the team.
This year,
think about Temple Sinai’s activities, work, play, informal gatherings, and
tasks you wish had someone helping you. Then think about people with
disabilities, including children with disabilities and the elderly, who you
know. Are they interested in working and participating with you on any of
these projects? If they are interested, find out if there are barriers or
things they need to participate in the projects. If there are, collaboratively
and creatively find a way to remove the obstacles and get what they need to
feel included. There is always a way!
Don’t be afraid to
ask a person with a disability a question or to do a task. If you don't ask,
you are taking away the other person's opportunity to say 'Yes!' to feel needed
and to be part of the activity. If the other person gets offended, you might
get to know them better by discussing why they feel offended. Please remember
that the other person may be having a bad day or not want to talk about their
feelings.
Shabbat Shalom
and Go-Go-Go!
